The #1 Reason Parents Give Kids Smartphones

This is my unofficial, official working theory.

Last week I posted the image below from Australia’s Head’s Up Alliance. It quickly received more likes and restacks than anything else I have shared on Substack.

This begs the question that I’ve been pondering for years now: Why it is that despite knowing smartphones are bad for kids, nearly 95% of teens own a smartphone? Why are parents giving these awful, toxic devices to kids? Sure, there are some parents who still need to be educated on the very real dangers posed by smartphones. But I’ve yet to meet a parent who thinks that a smartphone is a value add for their son or daughter.

I have become increasingly convinced there are three main reasons parents give smartphones¹ to teenagers, but one that overrides them all.

1. Parents believe the lie that teenagers must “learn how to use smartphones.”

   Answer: This can wait until after high school graduation and will probably only take a couple of days. If you mean learn how to resist addictive algorithms, this is a fool’s errand.

2. Parents are tired of saying “no!” and get worn down by their kids./ Parents see other kids with phones and assume it is okay. 

   Answer: Repeat after me: “Son/Daughter, I love you very much and will never buy you a smartphone. You’ll thank me one day.”

3. Parents want to track their child’s physical location in the world.

   Answer: This is bad for kids and bad for parents. It is a modern phenomenon that leads to more anxiety for both parent and child. A talk/text phone² is the suitable alternative.

But, in my opinion, the number one reason parents give their children these toxic devices is…

We aren’t giving parents permission to say no to smartphones for kids.

So, moms and dads of the world, here it is… By the powers vested in me, from the DearChristianParent.Substack.com, years of research, advocacy, contemplation, prayer, and critical thought I now give you permission to tell your child “No.”

That’s correct, every authority you need has now been granted to you (though you had it to begin with).

• All of your kids’ friends have a smartphone? The answer for your son or daughter is no.

• Your pastor’s kids have smartphones? The answer for your son or daughter is no.

• Your kids really, really, really want a smartphone and PROMISE to not do anything bad? The answer for your son or daughter is no.

• You think your child is “mature for their age” and could probably handle a smartphone better than some adults? The answer for your son or daughter is no.

• You think maybe there is some wisdom in letting your child experience anxiety, depression, and risk being a victim of sexual exploitation “while under your roof”? The answer for your son or daughter is no.

• You think there are some times when your child having a smartphone could be convenient for you? Consider a landline or a talk/text non-internet phone. As for a smartphone, the answer for your son or daughter is no.

We aren’t saying nobody gets a smartphone. We are saying kids and teens don’t.

Even the best legislation, parental controls and filters will never mitigate all of the harms of a phone-based childhood. Do we really want to still be having these conversations in another 10 years, 5 years, 2 years, or 6 months?? Our culture needs to change and we are the generation of parents who are going to change it. The time is now. We aren’t going to grit our teeth and hope and pray that our kids make out unharmed. We are going to tell our friends, pastors, elders, youth leaders, and neighbors that we need to turn the ship around. We aren’t buying smartphones for our kids any longer. If you’ve given your child a smartphone, it’s time to make a parenting U-turn. Staying on the same path will never get you where you want to go. Don’t we all want the next generation of kids to grow up without record high rates of anxiety and depression? Aren’t our kids worth the effort of making this change?

What Teenagers Have to Say

Need further proof that not giving your teenager a smartphone is the best idea, don’t take my word for it. Listen to the podcast I did with two teenagers this summer on behalf of

Be ScreenStrong

. I spoke with 19 year old Evan and 17 year old Hallie Kate on what growing up without a smartphone is really like. (Spoiler alert: they love it!) This is a delightful conversation and one you should listen to with your kids.

Or check out Gabriela’s Appstinent. She’s a student at Harvard asking the question, “why didn’t anyone tell us these things are optional?” She is smart and thoughtful and when she called me the other day, she did so from her flip-phone. That’s right, by choice college students and young adults are starting movements to get rid of social media, algorithm filled phones, and are returning to basics. (Of note, Appstinent’s Vice-President grew up without a smartphone or social media!)

What’s Next

Not sure how to respond to your kids questions about digital media? Check out the What To Say by DCP section of this Substack where I give you answers to questions like:

1. If you’re new here, when I say smartphone I mean internet connected phone or tablet. A talk/text cellphone with no internet access, like the Wisephone by Techless, is a perfectly viable option for your son or daughter.

2. See #1.