"Why can't I play on the iPad anymore?": Answers for kids
Need some quick tips for how to respond to your child's requests around digital media? Here you go...
Parents, sometimes we need quick answers to hard questions. “Because I said so” is a perfectly fine answer on occasion, but it is not terribly effective at shaping our kids’ hearts & minds.
At one point or another, we have all needed to make a parenting U-turn. This is really hard, but continuing on the wrong path is much worse. If you have learned that something you previously allowed wasn’t the best idea in the first place, explaining it to your kids can be challenging, especially when it concerns screen time. So, when your kids are saying, “Why can’t I used the iPad anymore?” or “But I’ve watched that show before!”, here are five things to consider:
Be honest. Admit that you allowed something but now you’ve learned more about the content, the underlining worldview, or the addictive nature of the device itself and going forward you are choosing to avoid it. Kids may fuss or argue when you make these changes, but in the long term you will gain their respect if you stick with it. Don’t get sucked into an argument! Preparing yourself with two or three facts can be very helpful if you have strong willed kids!
For example: “Why can’t I play on the iPad anymore?” Answer: “Because studies show that the earlier a child has a smartphone or tablet the worse their mental health is when they are adults. I love you and I want your brain to be at healthy as possible so we are going to be making better choices.”
Or “But everyone watches this show/plays this video game and you used to let me!” Answer: “Yes. I get that this is hard for you, but now that I’ve learned more about the show, I’ve realized that there are better ways to spend our time.”
Be age appropriate. There was a TV show I allowed my sons to watch when they were younger. The graphics were insanely bright and fast paced. After observing that my kids were jumping off the walls afterwards, I told them exactly why this show was now off limits. After a few weeks, they stopped asking for it. For older kids, point out that watching violence, bad language, or sexual content affects us even when we don’t realize it. “What we see, watch and hear affects who we are.” is my often repeated paraphrase of Philippians 4:8.
A “no” for now isn’t a “no” forever. You might tell your child no to a PG-13 movie, but I often remind my children that those things will still be available when they are adults and if they want to watch it then, they can. This gives autonomy, without early exposure.
If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? Remember that teenagers especially don’t like to miss out on stuff, but just because other parents allow a particular book, TV show, song, or movie, doesn’t mean it’s the best choice. Remind them you love them and then look for something fun to do together instead! More than fitting in with friends, teenagers need their parents.
Don’t normalize sin. This is probably the hardest one in today’s culture! We need to teach kids that what culture says is good doesn’t always align with what God says. I highly recommend checking out the Colson Center’s Breakpoint podcasts for a “daily look at an ever-changing culture through the lens of unchanging truth.” You will deepen your understanding of how to discuss cultural flashpoints.
Have more questions from your kids that need answers? Comment below and I’ll get to them in a future What To Say by DCP post!
A year after we gifted our oldest with a Nintendo Switch, we had to do a parenting U-turn. That involved admitting we'd made a bad decision, offering some age-appropriate research, and moving forward with what we now knew was best for our children. Surprisingly, that was pretty much the end of the discussion. Our kids weren't thrilled at first, but they hardly ever asked for or mentioned screen-time again. It's been almost 6 months now, and it's one of the best decisions we've ever made.