Kids Treat the Internet as a Playground. We Should Be Concerned.
Where and how we let teenagers and kids play matters more than most of us are willing to admit. Parents are lonely & isolated according to recent data. Maybe an actual playground can help us all out
The subtitle on this Substack is, the internet isn’t a playground for kids. “Of course it isn’t!”, most people readily admit. Yet most parents are on the struggle bus, trying to manage, control and set screen time limits. Parents are looking for a solution, a program, or an internet filter that will make using digital media easier. According to the Surgeon General, parents are exhausted and lonely. Forty-eight percent of parents say “most days their stress is completely overwhelming” and “difficulty managing technology and social media” is cited as a major contributor of parent’s poor mental health.
As a parent, one of the greatest gifts I can give my sons is teaching them that being in a God-focussed family is awesome. I’m not saying everyday is a walk in the park, of course, but on hard days an actual walk in the park can do wonders for our souls. My husband and I have found that the less digital media our family engages with, the easier it is to parent, and the easier it is to happily exist as a family.
This week, I wanted to do something a little different and link to some of the articles and writers that are putting out thoughtful and challenging information when it comes to how we interact with digital media. As an FYI, some of them are professing Christians, most are not.
A Disclaimer: I am not saying I agree with all of the advice or recommendations from these authors. I am saying that these articles should give us a lot of food for thought.
Emily Cherkin’s Which Parental Controls Do I Recommend? None.
Emily (The Screentime Consultant) and I have been in Fairplay’s Screens in Schools workgroup together for around six years. She has managed to build a robust business in the kids/screen time world. We disagree with each other on some recommendations here and there, but her cheeky article about parental controls is worth a read. Including this nugget:
Every single parent who reaches out to me has a story about a parental control gone awry. Comment threads are full of examples of parents who thought they had things locked down, only to discover their kids adjusted the clock to increase screentime limits, used Google docs as a chatting platform, or found a backdoor to TikTok through Pinterest.
From the BBC Social media apps are 'deliberately' addictive to users
This is an interview with Aza Raskin, one of the chief designers of “infinite scroll.” Most interesting is that this article is from 2018.
Infinite scroll allows users to endlessly swipe down through content without clicking.
"If you don't give your brain time to catch up with your impulses," Mr Raskin said, "you just keep scrolling."
He said the innovation kept users looking at their phones far longer than necessary.
Now, just because something is made to be addictive, doesn’t mean that we have to partake in the system. After all we do have free will and should exercise it. But, when it comes to kids do we even know what we are doing? Take Clare Morell’s Social Media and Harm to Children article from a year ago.
We have to understand that Big Tech is a predatory industry, like casinos, alcohol, and tobacco. Its products are designed to addict and exploit our children and their brain’s vulnerabilities. They want their users to be addicted. They are not looking out for the user’s well-being. Rather, they prey on human vulnerabilities, especially those of children, in order to maximize their profits.
So, what if we normalize teenagers not having smartphones and iPads? I think the Church is up to the task. We have certainly accomplished harder things in the past 2,000 years. Plus, kids are happier when they don’t have their phones reports Fastcompany.
Nearly three-quarters of U.S. teens say they feel happy or peaceful when they don’t have their phones with them, according to a new report from the Pew Research Center.
In a survey published Monday, Pew also found that despite the positive associations with going phone-free, most teens have not limited their phone or social media use.Children need parents to set boundaries and say no to certain things. Teenagers aren’t mature enough to handle addictive technology on their own. We ought to know this since most adults are struggling too. If the Christian church doesn't lead the way, Paris Hilton, yes, Paris Hilton, might be society’s best hope. She is pushing dumb phones as the new “it” item for Gen Z (older teens and 20-somethings).
“Flip phones are making a comeback right now because people wanna flip the script, do something different," the famous former carrier of an iconic pink Razr told Fortune at an event hosted by Motorola.
For podcast fans, I recommend a Breakpoint episode from a few weeks ago. This isn’t directly tied to digital media, but there are important take aways for parents, pastors and youth leaders. With a sprinkling of sarcasm, John Stonestreet, President of the Colson Center, and
discuss Jon Seel’s guest article, “A Change of Age”, on ’s Substack. From Stonestreet:Culture is most powerful not where it is loudest, but where it normalizes… The pull of secularization, and I don’t mean in the modern way, but the postmodern way, is going to be so dramatic that the task of cultivating and developing a Christian worldview, the task of being formed in the truth is going to be way more uncomfortable.
Dear Christian Parent, maybe it’s time we, and our kids, get a little uncomfortable. Following the cultural stream of iPhones for everyone isn’t going well. Not for kids. Not for parents. Telling our children no to smartphones is a prudent option more of us should be choosing.
Try intentionally leaving your phone at home a few times this week. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but keep at it, the rewards will come. Stop by the neighborhood playground with your children on the way home too, you’ll be glad you did.
Thanks again for reading! A few of you have reached out about turning Dear Christian Parent into a weekly 10-12 minute podcast. The e-newsletter would still go out each Monday.
DCP in the Wild:
- with the Rational Sheep Substack interviewed NY Times best selling author Jonathan Haidt and was gracious enough to include my review of Haidt’s book in his suggested readings.
- , writing at also recommended my review of Haidt’s book, which is specifically aimed at Christians. I think this means more book reviews to come from DCP!