Hey Christians, Smartphones aren’t for Kids. Or Teenagers.

So why isn't the church saying so?

Almost three dozen of my friends have agreed to not give their sons and daughters smartphones or social media until our kids turn 18. We have decided to not do a thing that most parents are doing. We’ve decided to not do it together, which is always easier than doing it alone. God did create us for community, after all.

When I started working in the kids & screens field back in 2018 people would look at me like a three headed monster when I talked about limiting screen time for my young sons. As a mom to a preschooler and elementary school student I was struggling to get the right balance between TV, “educational" games on the iPad, tantrums, outdoor time, independent play, and quiet time (both for myself and my kids).

No matter what our day held, I knew if I turned on the television or iPad, there would be quiet. And calm. Though often it was the calm before the storm. When it came time to turn off the television there was pushback, frustration, and the occasional all out tantrum. “Please just one more show, Mommy? Pleeeease???” One day things shifted. I clearly remember standing in the living room and thinking, “If I don’t get a handle on this now, it’s only going to get worse.” Maybe that was a nudge from the Holy Spirit, maybe I had gained a bit of wisdom, or experienced a jolt of common sense, I don’t know. The negative, prolonged reactions from my sons when I said it was time to turn off the devices was different than when I said it was time to leave the park or take a nap. When it came to screen time, something was always just a little bit “off.” Standing in my living room that day, I experienced the clarity I needed. It led me on a path to doing tons of research about what exactly happens in our kids’ brains when they are using screens. First, I read Dr. Victoria Dunckley’s book “Reset Your Child’s Brain” (a must read in this field!). I was then connected to ScreenStrong.com , Fairplay’s Screen Time Action Network and more invaluable resources.

What’s Missing

As a mom who desires above all else to raise my sons to know Jesus and walk in Truth, I’ve sought out a lot of research in the “kids-screens-Christianity” space over the years. Mostly, it has left me confused, frustrated and with more questions than answers. The overwhelming amount of advice to Christian parents is two fold:

1. Have limits and filters on your kids’ devices.

2. Talk to your kids about the dangers of the internet.

This advice is well meaning, but the data shows time and time again that the internet is just not a playground for children. So that’s what this Substack is: the missing piece. At least that’s my goal. I don’t claim to have all of the answers or all of the wisdom, but what I do know is that rates of anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicide are up for teenagers, including Christian teenagers. Even if the advice to Christian parents about filters and conversations with teenagers worked, I still see two problems:

1. We, as believers, ought to be the first ones to stand up for kids who are being harmed by digital media.

2. God calls us to experience life and life to the full and he put us in very real physical bodies in a very real physical and created world that declares his name. Spending lots of time behind a screen isn’t what human flourishing looks like for children.

Let’s Be Different, together

There are Christian voices out there saying no to social media and smartphones for kids but they aren’t the loudest voices. I’d like for this to be a platform to give rise to their voices and their wisdom. I want Christian parents to know that there is another way to parent teenagers in today’s world that’s not going to leave them weird, isolated or prone to rebellion. I want to highlight Christian teenagers who have grown up without these devices and are flourishing.

What does the Bible say about social media?

I believe the Bible has a lot to say about social media. I believe that the Bible is God’s inspired, inerrant word. I believe it is authoritative and sufficient for living a godly life. Even though it was written 2,000 years before TikTok, I think the Bible speaks clearly about how we should interact with digital media in today’s world.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

What resources are out there for Christian parents?

And how do we know if they are any good? In this Substack I will provide book reviews so parents can have a multitude of resources to make decisions about how they interact with digital media in their homes.

What I’ve seen in the past six years of my work is that there are pastors and teachers speaking and writing thoughtfully about how Christians interact with digital media, but not many of these resources are directed at parents. The books, articles and podcasts that are directed at parents tend to be about how to limit and control digital media, not about how to be set apart from culture. Even secular culture is now going against culture. Christians, we should have been in this space first.

I want to highlight the research and wisdom that exists and provide input for parents. Some of the books I review will be by non-Christian authors. There’s a lot to consider in this field. Have a book you want me to check out? Please comment below!

A Disclaimer

I know there are myriad Christian parents who have raised, and are raising, sons and daughters to know and trust the Lord and who gave these same children access to smartphones and social media. I’m not looking to condemn parents nor am I claiming that by not giving social media to your daughter that she’ll automatically love the Lord. There’s a lot of nuance, grace, wisdom and some legitimate debate that should happen in this space. What I am saying is that, en masse the current system of giving kids smartphones and social media isn’t working. Not just for Christians, but for all of society. I am proposing that Christians should be the first to step into the battle to fight for kids. When the early church began it was common practice for Romans to leave their unwanted children in the woods for dead. The early church would literally rescue these children and raise them to know the Lord. These Christians stepped into uncomfortable places and fought for kids, going against the culture. Shouldn’t we as Christians still do the same?

So that’s what I’m doing in my corner of the world. I’m asking my friends to say no to social media and smartphones for kids and teens. I’m not saying that technology doesn’t have its place. This is coming to you via technology, after all. I’m saying these things aren’t for kids and teens. So, dear, sweet Christian parent, can we not do a thing, together?

---